I haven’t had a crisis of faith, in the conventional sense. I still have my God and I know He’s there, but there’s a subtler play being made at the moment, and it goes like this:
Never mind what I might be paid for a job, salaried or one off gig. Never mind how much I have left over at the end of the month, positive or negative. Never mind the certain hope I have in an unfailing God. What about my worth?
What am I worth?
I’m not after an easy answer which doesn’t address the problem. I need to know that I’m doing something worthwhile and being valued accurately for what I do. I don’t want to be given more than I’m worth, nor do I think it’s acceptable to be worth more than I receive. More importantly, how is that worth measured and whose measure should I trust?
In Matthew’s gospel, Jesus lays out a simple principle which is central here. Nobody can be in service to two masters at once. One always wins, and the other is despised. I have too many competing calls on my life, some of which require that I earn money, and some of which require no such thing. Some require inter-personal skills, some don’t. Some need me to be up early, some want me to be out late. How should I prioritise what I do? By income generation? By personal gain? By usefulness to my family? By usefulness to the community? By what makes me feel good? By the alarm clock?
And so it comes, a crisis of purpose. What is my core focus? And what should I be prepared to sacrifice to serve it?